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Driving for Dummies

 

In it's effort to light-heartedly look at traffic SNAFU's the book uses some characters (i.e. Chatty Patty, Nervous Nell, Ploddin' Paul and Zippin' Zack) to illustrate how traffic can be improved.  Example:

 

Nervous Nell

 

She creeps out on the road, so very, very slow,

As she’s apt to get hit, she’s hesitant to go;

So, slowly she starts out, with fears she can’t quite quell,

Oh please, cold cruel world, look out for Nervous Nell.

 

They are braking up there, nearly half mile ahead,

So Nell slows down some more, to catch up she would dread.

Her turn is coming up, a block or two or three,

She’ll slow down to change lanes long before she can see.

 

Up the highway ramp, like a dog on his belly,

Creeping slowly along, it’s our good old Nellie;

She just knows at the top there will be a big mess,

That she will be the cause, she can’t begin to guess.

"The book ... takes a creative approach at traffic safety education."

 -  J B Ehlers, Captain, California Highway Patrol

 

Driving For Dummies

Is available at Amazon:

 

For more example, here is the entire Introduction and Objective:

 

Driving For Dummies

 

Introduction

 

 

The smart or robot car seems to be on the way,

It seems certain our roads they will control some day;

And our human error that they will then replace,

So our many mistakes hopefully they’ll erase.

 

Automated drivers, while definitely new,

Probably may not be better than me or you;

But they’re being the same removes uncertainty,

Correcting mistakes made from our diversity.

 

Because if all of you, drove just the way I do,

Or perhaps all of us, drove just like one of you

(Well, except for a few, that we will later name),

Then traffic would be fixed, if we’re driving the same.

 

But driving all the same is not our better suit,

Different ways and rates all of us tend to scoot;

There’s enough bad drivers I wouldn’t trust too far,

It’s sure OK with me, bring on the robot car.

 

But, since self-driving cars are still some years ahead,

And I’d still just as soon not wind up being dead,

Here’s a refresher course on successful driving,

Some good simple guidelines for all our surviving.

 

I’ll try for light-hearted, maybe sometimes funny,

Entertaining enough, so it’s worth the money;

But still underlying, I hope to educate,

There’s so much to traffic that laws don’t regulate.

 

 

Driving For Dummies

 

Objective:  The Flow

 

 

The basic elements of driving we all learn,

At home or Drivers’ Ed when our license we earn.

My concerns are the things that effect traffic flow,

So, on the road we all get where we want to go.

 

A commercial back when, had this cute happy scene,

With things all working together so nice and clean;

Until some oddball tries differently to pay,

And chaos then results, ‘cause he went his own way.

 

With hundreds, thousands, millions out there on the road,

We sure need to find a cooperative mode;

It’s not at all far-fetched, that many of us think,

The roads would be safer if we’re all more in sync.

 

Now the old traffic laws are good for what they do,

They do give some guidelines we pay attention to;

But as we’re all driving weapons of destruction,

There are unwritten rules worth further instruction.

 

As we’re driving along we should rightly expect

Consistency, unless a warning we detect;

Any sudden changes in direction or rate,

Are things we’d like to hope you would communicate.

 

Indeed, we’re asking for some common courtesy,

On the rest of us poor souls please show some mercy;

If you would interrupt our normal traffic flow,

At least, for goodness sake, then please let us all know.

 

With an ample warning of your upcoming change,

Our own driving patterns we can then rearrange;

Then on your driving skill we’re not forced to depend,

With opportunity, ourselves we can defend.

 

Now, of course, this implies that you really do care,

And others on the road you are at least aware;

Not off in your own world, and just oblivious,

Unawareness makes it hard to be courteous.

 

With a two-ton weapon moving at any speed,

Those of us around you hope that you will pay heed;

For that brief moment the road together we share,

We would sure like to hope you are at least aware.

 

So this lesson attempts some ideas to impart,

To make the traffic flow smoothly, more like an art.

An overall message in these thoughts to instruct:

Whatever that you do; please, please, please don’t obstruct.

 

 

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